Sunday, February 24, 2008

Liveblogging the Oscars

11:46 - The first person on his feet for No Country's Best Picture win is Cormac McCarthy. And you're damn right that counts as noteworthy. Goodnight, kids! It's been that singular kind of joy that's clocked in at under four hours. Keep swinging by Out 1. We'll do our best to stay classy.

11:44 - Julian Schnabel did not win! I do not have to eat a stick of butter! The day is mine!

11:31 - Despite some initial craziness, Daniel Day-Lewis gave a classy, lovely acceptance speech. Who could ask for anything more?

11:25 - I'm looking a Diablo Cody holding an Oscar. It's weird.

11:12 - Ho. Ly. Shit. They had a bunch of Baghdad-based soldiers present the short subject documentary Oscar mere minutes before presenting the feature documentary Oscar to Taxi to the Dark Side, a film that spends two hours painting said soldiers as war criminal mercenaries! The utterly sick and shameless gall of Hollywood.

11:01 - And the "In Memoriam" applause-o-meter winner is... Heath Ledger. Bergman was running away with it for a while.

10:57 - Jon Stewart brings out Marketa Irglova to finish her Conti-cut off speech. I don't know about your Oscar parties, but mine cheered.

10:48 - On Once's Best Song win:
JAMES: Juno, the little movie that could? My ass.

10:45 - On the introduction of the "versatile and talented" Patrick Dempsey:
ANDY: "He's versatile?"
JACOB: "Well, he was in Scream 3."
Incidentally, "So Close" is a much, much better set piece than "That's How You Know."

10:39 - I swear, this is the last time I'll mention Cormac McCarthy tonight unless something truely noteworthy goes down, but James just brought to my attention "Cormac McCarthy's" Facebook status, which is, "Cormac McCarthy is chillin' at the Oscars - no joke." Okey dokey.

10:34 - Pause your Tivos - Jennifer Garner is crying at the mere sight of an old, old man. So is Liz. Again.

10:31 - Know what they're not doing tonight? Introducing clips from the Best Picture nominees. Boo.

10:20 - Beautiful angle on Marketa Irglova during "Falling Slowly" with her in the foreground and the packed Kodak audience filling out the background. This little song's come a long way from the music shop, eh? (Little late on this post. Got caught up in a Best Picture montage discussion. Something more current: Bourne is 3-3 tonight. Yes.)

10:14 - James butting in. Is anyone else really bothered that they gave Best Actress before they gave out Documentary Short? Not trying to be a dick to the Doc Short candidates, but the Academy is retarded for handing this major award out so early. Be embarrassed, Academy...shame shame shame. I could totally do a feminist critique here and totally be right.

10:12 - Aaaand Marion Cotillard won. Inner cynic just did an Easter Sunday Jesus Christ.

10:10 - Cate Blanchett just made the most amazingly horrified face at her Best Actress Oscar clip. So did the rest of us, Cate. So did the rest of us.

10:06 - Transformers! Totally shut out! And I had it to win in three technical categories! All around disaster!

10:01 - Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill can present all the awards as far as I'm concerned. Also, I love how the best sound editing Oscar clip for There Will Be Blood waaaaaas... a spike falling into mud. That may actually be the biggest laugh of the night thus far.

9:53: Kristen Chenoweth opens her mouth.
LAURA: Oh no.
JAMES: Oh no.
ANDY: Oh no.

9:47. Wow. Ron Harwood. Look at that guy. He looks like would adapt The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Great one line tribute from Joel Coen: "We've only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy."

9:44 - Technical Oscars. Piss break!

9:35 - Supporting actress - the most wide open category of the night! And the winner is... TILDA SWINTON!!! Didn't have this in my pool, but feeling much more satisfied that the academy didn't prove my inner cynic right and pick Cate Blanchett. Amazing speech, too.

9:32 - Whoa. WHOA. We were all afriad that they were going to play a clip from My Girl in the bee montage. Little early in the night to be traumatized, thanks.

9:24 - At long last, the Academy has become self-aware of it's aforementioned pointless montagery. At long... wait a minute... GOSPEL CHOIR!!1!1!!ONE!

9:14 - And we go from Cuba Gooding Jr.'s acceptance speech in the pointless montage to... Javier Bardem's. Tough act to follow, but loved the look on his mom's face. One of those moments where I'm almost glad I didn't understand what he was saying. Sure it'll be translated momentarily, though.
LIZ: "He just kissed his mom on the mouth."
LAURA: "They're Spanish. They're all crazy."

9:13 - Cate Blanchett as pit bull in No Country = biggest laugh of the night thus far.

9:11 - James here. I hacked in here just to yell. I AM SO PISSED JACK FISK DIDN'T WIN!!! AHHHH!!! Also... Golden Compass for visual effects? My pick em is already a disaster. I love you, Jack!

9:07 - DWAYNE JOHNSON - "It's a priviledge to be here to present the award for best visual effects."

8:59 - Speaking of people I love, Amy Adams is making my heart go pitter-patter with "Happy Working Song." But she's just kind of... standing there. This is a wasted opportunity for an incredible set piece. Guess they're saving up for "That's How You Know."

8:58 - Can you believe how happy Marion Cotillard is for her make up artists? I now love her.

8:55 - It's an odd way of putting this, but I have tremendous affection for Brad Bird. Dude's very much the next Walt Disney.

8:49 - "80 years of Oscar?!" I'm as sentimental as the next guy, but I feel as though I'm being... taken advantage of. Liz is crying.

8:43 - Fuck me. First award of the evening goes to Elizabeth: The Golden Age for costume design. None of us got it except for Liz, who not only knows nothing about the Oscars, but chose this film in this category as her "no guts, no glory" pick (pick a long shot, get an extra two points if it wins). She's now leading the Oscar pool by 3 points. Everybody else has zip.

8:34 - Great line from Stewart: "Before we spend the next four or five hours giving each other little gold statues, let's take a moment to congratulate ourselves." They should put that on next year's poster.

8:31 - That CG opening went down like a breakfast consisting of a single donut. Yikes.

8:19 - James and I are calling it, friend-o: Saoirse Ronan's Supporting Actress Oscar clip will feature some variation of the phrase, "I saw him, I saw him with my own eyes." EDIT, 9:37: HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

8:08 - Some Oscar parties freak out when George Clooney appears on screen. Or Brad Pitt. This Oscar party just had such a reaction to a glimpse of Cormac McCarthy.

8:00 - Oh hell. Apparently we get to spend half an hour with Regis before the ceremony starts.
JAMES: This is a joke.
ANDY: It isn't.
JAMES: I thought the show started at 8.
ANDY: It doesn't.
JAMES: Don't tell me we have to watch this.
ANDY: We do.

7:51 - Renee Zellweger's haircut: Shemp Howard or Moe Howard? Discuss.

7:41 - Things to remember: Kevin O'Connell, the sound mixer for Transformers, is up for his 20th Oscar. He's yet to win. I've got him on my ballot. That's probably stupid of me, though. 20th time's the charm? What?

7:22 - And here we is, watching E!'s coverage of the red carpet. Security is apparently lax at the Kodak seeing as Gary Busey's wandering around like an unleashed dog at a picnic, having just straight up molested poor Jennifer Garner during her interview with Ryan Seacrest. Ah, live TV. Oh, and there's Julian Schnabel with his Bee Movie glasses. Gonna be a great night. 40 minutes to magic time.

-Andy Hobin


Anonymous said...

umm yeah... Regis sort of makes me want to kill myself. Poor George Clooney's girlfriend. Regis totally brushed her off.

Anonymous said...

And how, Liz Schuster. Moreso, the general consensus among the room is that she's not so much dressed but upholstered.

Anonymous said...

AMY ADAMS! that's all.

James Hansen said...

I am in love with Amy Adams. Also...I really want Daniel Day Lewis to accept his Best Actor Oscar in his Daniel Plainview voice.

Anonymous said...

okay i'm here. and why is barbara streisand on? isn't she dead yet?

amedley said...

I picked Elizabeth for costume design! So for this moment, I am ahead... a good feeling, which will dissipate momentarily.

Anonymous said...

on the comment about brad bird becoming walt disney... are you reffering to walt's hatred for liz's people

Anonymous said...

Amy Adams makes my heart smile so much. I just want to put her in my pocket. This performance is the highlight of my evening.

Anonymous said...

i want her in my pocket too..

James Hansen said...

She will be mine...oh yes...she will be mine.

Anonymous said...

Liz, it's the highlight of my evening too! And we're only half an hour in! Is that bad?

Anonymous said...

dibs on amy adams. i called it. when does she come back on?

Unknown said...

Anonymous is clearly Rob.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

hell yeah Sweeney Todd.

Anonymous said...

is Jennifer Hudson a fucking idiot? Worst delivery ever throughout the whole presentation.

James Hansen said...

J Hud must be mad that she is never going to be in a movie ever again. Bitter presentation.

Laura said...

August Rush makes me want to die, die, die.

This will be awful.

Anonymous said...

bee movie = gay

James Hansen said...

Did you all hear "Killing the Blues" on that commercial!! MY MIXTAPE WINS! VOTE FOR ME!

James Hansen said...

Also...somewhere Emily Ritter is crying. Sorry Emily.

James said...

This performance of "That's How You Know" is the most disappointing thing I have ever seen. Kristen Chenoweth can go away.

Brandon Colvin said...


Anonymous said...

I totally called Marion for the win. I'm glad Ellen Page didn't...I want her to actually keep working.


Unknown said...

Seth's last name is Rogen, not Rogan ass.

Also, I am currently still winning the pool, yet I had to ask what exactly a cinematographer does about two hours ago.

James Hansen said...

I wish I knew Hitchcock well enough to call him Hitch. One day...

Unknown said...

Andy is about to shit on how exciting this is for these soldier's and their families. Let's take a moment to appreciate how souless he is.

Anonymous said...

well that whole military thing was random

Anonymous said...

"War criminal mercenaries" - These are pretty loaded words, you have seen this documentary, right?

Anonymous said...

mm. I was so sure Johnny Depp was going to win.. calm down. I'm joking.

Anonymous said...

Dear Ro.. er... anonymous,

Any documentary that spends as much time on Abu Ghraib as Taxi to the Dark Side did is as loaded as my words. Thanks for reading.

Anonymous said...

Taxi deals with brutal interrogation techniques and as Abu Ghraib is the most high profile example of this types of interrogation of course the film will spend time exploring it. But "a film that spends two hours painting said soldiers as war criminal mercenaries" is a huge overgeneralization of what the film presented and completely untrue. So again, you have seen this documentary right?

amedley said...

Good work on the blogging guys. I felt very educated and enlightened. I won my Oscar pool... granted only one other person out of the six in my living room was playing. The thing that put me over the top was guessing all three Bourne Ultimatum awards correctly. The strategy was: "Well, this will win at least one of these, right?"

Anonymous said...

That was fun. Let's do that next year, too. Thanks all.

Nostalgia Kinky said...

My picks this year were all jacked...but I am so thrilled that Tilda Swinton won that my night was made no matter what.

James Hansen said...

Same with me. My picks were a disaster, but I am more or less happy. I was rooting against No Country at this point, but knew it was pretty futile so there's not much to be upset about. Plus, it's a pretty good film. It has lost its "great" status in my mind, but its still good.